self

 hey eighters ! writing this on my phone because i don’t want to get on my pc rn. also wanted to say itlhoy is not shutting down! i explain why i said so in a future post, so hang tight

i just wanted to semi-rant tonight, but not about raquelle (classmate) or alpha (stalking) or my groomer, just sorta myself i guess. 

i’ve never really been the fittest person ig, just sorta “average” if you could even call it that. i’ve never liked how i looked, just accepted it; it’s not necessarily something i can control, i workout everyday so i guess i’m the problem or something like that

also never liked my appearance, i have like chronic baby face, and combined with the fact i have an ugly smile and i look really young, i’ve pretty much never liked looking at my face. that’s also why i dont show my face online.

i truly do attempt to have self confidence, but it’s simply saying you look perfect like people say it is; why would it be that easy? when talking to people i’ll act like im proud of my body but im really not

among my friends i dont think they necessarily care what i look like, although i do have crushes on some of them (and they’re all WAY out of my league so ill never be getting them any time soon)

i’m not known as being the most well behaved person. i mean, in professional situations like school or gigs i definitely behave exceptionally but not with my friends

i’m always known as the freak or the weirdo. i wish i wasn’t, oh how i wish i wasn’t. i want to change but i literally can’t. i’ve been trying to change and i’ve been trying to watch what i say but i can’t, and i’ll always be known for just that; being a weirdo.

i cry about it a lot. very immature, i shouldn’t cry about it; they’re just words. but when these are the people i surround myself with i genuinely can’t

so that’s kinda me; fat, ugly, weirdo. i think ima leave it there bc im starting to cry a lil but yeah ! i love you eighters ttyl

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

moving

hello, eighters! writing this on my phone because i’m at school, but it’s fine :3 earlier today i was planning on moving the site to wordpress. right now i use googles blogger service, which is very restrictive on what i can and can’t do with my website. wordpress actually lets me customize my website and edit things. i was also planning on rebranding, and i have a couple names in mind that i could use; irreversible, itlhoy (as a main name instead of acronym), and variable (if you have a different / better idea, leave one in the comments!) i’ll probably repost all my old posts onto the new blog, but if i want it to be easier, i could put my current website (which would then be the old one, insidethatlittlehead.uk) into a sort of “archive” mode where its read-only and you can’t interact with anything. i don’t know about keeping both domains open though. costs would increase a little (even if insidethatlittlehead.uk is cheap, idk about the other domain) but hey, what do you do? love u ei...
Read more

invalidated

wow not one to rant / vent but this is actually disgusting so you know the girl i spoke about on  the classmate post? yeah, so in my 1st period my teacher is on maternity leave because she just had her baby and of course she has to take care of them (proud of her!!! not one to like little shit headed infants but good for her <3) so we have a sub and everyone goes CRAZY. its not like the sub does anything because the sub has the mental capacity of an ant eating mustard so everyones talking and its so loud i can't focus on my work, and "the classmate" and another guy are arguing halfway across the room, so they're yelling really loud eventually it gets to the point where it's so overwhelming that i have a nervous breakdown and start crying i get up to leave the room because the sub has finally done something useful in her pathetic little fucking life (allowing me to leave the room and take a break), and as im about to go thru the door before i hear a chuckle i t...
Read more

stalking

hey eighters! sorry its been a while since my last post but yk so a while back i used to talk to this one girl on discord, lets call her alpha.  she was cool and all but she would make a lot of edgy jokes and after an incident that i rather not elaborate on,  we broke it off. before that, alpha added me on a vr game called rec room, and i just never got around to unadding her on there so she just rotted on my friends list. every now and then i'd get notifications saying "___ is online! Would you like to invite them?" but i just never actually invited her now fast forward to the present, yes, RIGHT NOW. december 17 down to the minute, i open my discord and see a new ping on my home page i open it and its a group chat??? its a group chat with alpha, her girlfriend lets call her bravo , and another friend from the friend group chat we used to be in  lets call them charlie . here's basically the chat log ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [system message]: @alpha added @eight [...
Read more